In my previous post, I talked about the decisions we make on a daily basis. From the most basic decisions to some subconscious ones like deciding whether something will hurt or not.
My life is constantly changing, sometimes, simply because I tend to throw myself into new situations without thinking much of it through; I choose the hardest projects at work; the ones I have the least experience in, I dive into situations without too much background and just work my way through it. But even though these examples may sound spontaneous, or adventurous, they bring with them, a ton of stress, at least for me. But what I have come to realize is that my stress was not from the change itself, it was from my resistance to it.
“All suffering is a result of resistance to change” ~ Unknown
To me, simply put, this resistance is a result of being afraid of the unknown. Which is super normal! The unknown can be scary. What’s back there? Will I survive? Is everything going to change? And the biggest question – will I succeed or fail? We don’t know! So what do we do when we don’t know? We start guessing, defining, assuming and planning so that we can mentally, emotionally (sometimes even physically) prepare for what’s ahead. And before we know it, we’re totally stressed out because we have no idea what we’re planning for, we have no idea what we’re trying to define, and therein lies the root of all stress and frustration – Attempting to define the unknown and therefore resisting it (not to mention, in doing this we are not living in the present moment – but, that’s another topic).
Although I throw myself into these unknown situations, one might think I’m not afraid of change. And, I’d like to think that I’m not. But, once I’m in the situation, is when the resistance occurs.
The Art of Change
I attempt to define an upcoming situation based on knowledge I already hold; from past experiences, books, and articles or others’ experiences. Rather than allowing the change to flow naturally.
Now, letting it flow may appear even scarier because we are all so used to taking control; from controlling what time we wake up, where we go, what we do, eat, feel think etc….so it’s natural to almost know (and expect) what will happen in the next 5 minutes based on what we know about what has already happened our entire lives leading up to this moment…you with me?? But I realized, this is where I was closing myself off to potential possibilities, which again goes back to my previous post…rather than attempting to define what will happen, allow it to happen.
To break it down: when I want to learn a new yoga pose (yup!), there are a few obvious details I need to have a basic understanding around, like what is the pose? But I do not necessarily need to have any experience with it. But I get conflicted between what I know or have experience with and what I expect of myself based on what I know and have experience with. And that is when the resistance and definitions begin. So if it requires some level of flexibility, I expect to be super flexible within a certain amount of time. The expectations being “super” flexible (whatever “super” means to me) and within a “specific” timeframe. These expectations are something I have defined and I am therefore resisting the possibility of accomplishing the pose at my own pace and at my own level.
“We fight to hold on and we fight to let go” ~ Unkown
Most of the time (if not always) the Universe, or God, or whoever/whatever you believe in, is preparing you for something ahead, it could be as simple as learning something new, meeting a new person, a promotion at work, or even a new perspective on life. The point is the shift we are experiencing, the tension and the stress cannot be defined in terms we personally understand because we haven’t reached a point of understanding it yet (that’s what the preparation is for). So the resistance isn’t to changes we don’t want, or that we believe we are not ready for or that we think we need to prepare for. The resistance comes from attempting to define something we have never experienced before, something completely new to us that we have yet to learn to comprehend. And right now, we only know how to prepare for things we have already experienced using past knowledge in an attempt to define what we believe will be the upcoming changes. We do this to allow for an easy transition, but the reality is, the only way to ease into the new, is by allowing it to flow through you.
Just let go! Because what is ahead is not coming from the reality we live in now, but the one we are being prepared for. You may not know where you’re going, but know that you will get there.